Fifty and Counting...

Until now, I thought about the wedding in terms of months. Six months, five months, four months, three months. Well, I think I actually might now begin to think in terms of days. The wedding is fifty days from right now. Seven weeks from tomorrow. Wow. I can honestly say that I am totally excited. Recently, people have started asking me if I'm getting nervous. Honestly, as of now, I'm not. There were actually a few weeks a month or two ago that I was much more nervous than I am now. It is weird to think out. Even thought I'm totally excited, it's weird to think that in fifty day I begin something that will last for the rest of my life, that will affect everything I ever do again, will change what it means to be Stephen Becker. That's a lot to take in.
Sometimes (and this has happened a lot recently), I'm honestly blown away by how crazy in love I am with Joy. It's unbelievable, scary almost. It's weird that I always want to be in her presence, always want to know what she's thinking, always want her to love me back. I know all this is cliche, and I'm not really sure how to avoid that, but I have recently been reminded over and over again at how much I love her, how ridiculously lucky I am.
Mushiness aside, the wedding plans are coming along. It's true that I often feel like the list is getting longer rather than shorter, but we really are having a fun time doing all this planning together. Invitations are officially out, wedding music has been ordered, center pieces have been bought, the regestries are being utilized, wedding rings have been looked at, and just this week I even got measured for my tux.
Another big highlight in wedding news: Joy and I have signed a lease. We have a pretty descent two-bedroom apartment with a large kitchen, good storage, BIG closets, and even a little wooden balcony. Of course, at this point we have no furniture, but that is on the list of things to take care of. I get really excited when I think about having an apartment. Besides the obvious fact of getting to share a home with my wife, it's also true that I've never really had my own place. It was life with the Beckers for a long time, then college dorms, then another year of Beckers, and for the last six months I've been living with another family in Chicago. I get excited about things that may appear little but are in reality pretty big to me. Getting to hang things wherever I want, getting to be in complete control of the fridge, getting to organize things as I see fit, heck, getting to walk around all over in any state of dress or undress that I want. Really, it's remarkable. I'm sure the responsibilities will hit my utopian world soon enough (especially when I see that rent bill every month), but as of now, I see a whole lot of freedom. (Wow...until this moment, I never once associated marriage with freedom....)
Okay, that's enough about my world. I hope to see you all there in fifty weeks. It's gonna be a party.

October Rundown

As many people pointed out (Dawnette, thanks for the e-mail!), I sometimes fall into a blog slacker. I didn't write much this summer, but then I really picked it up again this fall. Or so I thought. I've been pretty absent for the last three weeks, so here is a rundown of my life...

• Camping with Ulee. Andrew Ulasich and I met in the summer of 2003 when we went to Nepal together. I love Andrew Ulasich. He challenges me on some really unique things and in a lot of ways, I really want to be more like him. Ulee is a junior now at TU and he studied last semester in Egypt, so since then we'd been planning to get together for a little bonding and "guy time." Well, it happened. We met up at the Tippecanoe State Park in northern Indiana, went kayaking down the great and powerful (okay, maybe not) Tippecanoe River where we chatted and glided along and also enjoyed an engaging discussion on evolution. (I'm currently reading McLaren's "The Story We Find Ourselves In," so I've been thinking about this a bit...) We then set up camp, went for a hike, ate muchos hotdogs, talked about life, love, and other mysteries, talked about TU and Trinity, talked about the upcoming wedding (Andrew is one of the distinguished ushers), cooked some beans over the fire, ate more hotdogs, realized we were very tired, piled on layers of clothes and blankets, layed down under the stars, talked, fell fast asleep with the cold fall air just beyond the fire. In short, it was a great time of frienship and fellowship, one that I really think I needed in this time of business and loneliness. Definitely a highlight of this fall. Be sure to look for Andrew on the dance floor in December. Aren't we so rugged?

• Midterms. Over the last two weeks, I had my first semester midterms here at Trinity. Overall, I was pleased, especially considering my lack of motivation. Now it's on to my AA presentation and a few papers. There is one paper I'm actually a little excited for so maybe I'll talk about that at a later date. But school is most definitely busy and challenging, and I'm way behind on reading and such, but I guess that just goes with the territory, right?
• Invitations. Because Joy and I couldn't imagine paying quite a substantial amount of money to have someone else address our invitations, we decided to do it ourselves. Little did we know what a process it would become, pretty much consuming our last three Saturday nights. We spent hours collecting and confirming addresses, writing addresses, getting stamps, etc., and I'm going to be furious when a few get sent back, which is guarenteed to happen. In total, there are around 300 invitations going all over the US, Candada, Ireland, China, Philippines, and of course, Italy. It also turns out that the total number invited is bigger than was thought a few weeks ago (and no, this is not my fault like many of you may be thinking), so we really may end up with more than what we promised Joy's parents. It really is a problem: we are pumped for everyone to be there but realize we're in big trouble if everyone is there. Only time will tell. Get your RSVP in soon or you may get a phone call saying we're already maxed out. Or we'll just tell you to bring your own sack lunch to the reception. But seriously, even though it was a lot of work, doing the invitatations was so much fun. It was so cool to see in one big list all the people that have been a part of our lives, influenced us, walking alongside us during certain times and chapters. There are people I haven't talked to in years, but wow, do they still mean a lot to me. It's amazing how many people God has brought into my life over the years and in different settings, and really, they've all changed and challenged me in some way, they've invested in me, made me laugh or cry or get angry, and many of them have helped me know Jesus more, taught me a little more about what it means to love. I love that. It was great to write invitations with Joy and hear some of her stories, listen to her talk about her relationships. I guess what I'm saying is that right now I'm feeling really tremendously overwhelmingly blessed.
• Revelation. I am helping out with the youth group at my church on Monday nights, where I have a small group. Out of that group, a few guys expressed interest in doing a separate Bible study and I was all for it. With everyone's busy schedules, we realized that the only consistent time we're all available is before school. So on Wednesday mornings at 6, we meet at Starbucks. When we first met, I told them I really wanted this to be something they were invested in and excited about so thought it'd be good if they picked out which book they'd like to study. Of course, they chose Revelation. Needless to say, it's keeping me on my toes, which is a good thing, since I've never really studied the book that much, and it's going wonderfully well. I am SO BLESSED by this group of guys, the ones on Monday nights and the ones on Wednesday mornings. I love seeing them get excited about Christ, seeing them challenge each other in what it means to be a Christ-follower while in high school (and they challenge me in this too...), and I love that they are willing to come every week so stinking early in the morning.

Well, I think that's plenty for now. That's a glimpse into my life this month. It's been crazy, but also pretty fantastic on many different levels. Peace out.

Dreams of Justice

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." (Isaiah 1:17)

This is what is on my mind today, but let's back up a little bit first...

I have two favourite chapel speakers that I remember from my time at Taylor University. The first is Ravi Zacharias. Anyone who knows me knows I thoroughly enjoy this man, as everyone should. To start off with, he has a kick-butt accent. He spoke at TU during my freshman year, during a time that I was really wrestling with questions about God, my faith, and how perhaps I saw a lot of Christians as stupid and naive. Well, Brother Ravi changed that. A well-known apologist, Zacharias struck me as not only an obviously intelligent man, but also a man who still found Christ compelling. On top of that, he was able to articulate his faith in a compelling and understandable way while also looking at the religions around us. Ravi always makes me think and be thankful that I know Christ. But today my purpose isn't to write about Ravi...

The other chapel speaker I remember was Gary Haugen, who I believe spoke during my sophomore year. (Really, for my haphazard attendance during those first two years, I got in some great speakers. Hmm...it makes me wonder if I missed anything good. Possible, but I doubt it...) For those of you who don't know, Gary is the founder of IJM, the International Justice Mission. Passionate about what he sees as God's calling in his (and really, all Christ-followers') lives, Haugen fights for those who can't necessarily fight for themselves. IJM fights for justice in many areas around the world, from getting stolen land back from widows in Africa, fighting illegal slavery and imprisionments, to rescuing girls out of sex trafficing and forced prostition all around the world, especially in Asia.

I remember leaving the chapel that Gary spoke at thinking, "Wow, I want to be a part of that. I want that to be a passion of mine. I don't want to sit by while others suffer, are tortured, lose all sense of dignity." Today, I still feel that way, probably more than I did four years ago. I say all this today because today at Trinity, Larry Martin, VP of Education and Dean of the IJM Institute, spoke on campus. Since I was first introduced to the International Justice Mission, one of dreams has been to work for them. I have many dreams, but that one is consistently at the top of my list. And I really would love to work for them, and who knows, maybe some day I will. But even if I don't, I know that I want to be more passionate, more aware, more involved with bringing justice to those who are powerless. And while I think IJM is doing a fantastic job, they are simply one organization, and I don't believe love and justice is regulated to simpkly one organization. I think of Shanta and the work she is doing in Nepal and India as only one example.

So this afternoon I am pondering over these things, wondering how I can do better, be more disciplined in prayer, be more informed, more active. I'm wondering how God might use my MA degree in Counseling Psychology if I continue on track and end up getting that degree in three years. I wonder what I can do during those three years. I wonder if I'm even in the right program even though I really love it on many levels and see its importance and relevance. I wonder about law school, about social work, about learning languages, about getting personally involved. I wonder about brining God glory, about my motives, about what it means to truly allow myself to be a tool that God may choose to work in and through. If you have any thoughts, let me know.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." (Proverbs 31:8,9)

Homecoming!

Tonight Joy and I are driving to Taylor. I've been gone two years now, and I'm pumped to go back. Sure, it will be different, there will be a new sea of faces and none of them will know who I am or even care, but that's ok. Because I love my alma mater. Taylor University, in the middle of nowhere Indiana, is where I fell in love with Joy, fell in love with relationships, and fell in love with God. So yeah, it has played a pretty big role in my life. This weekend is going to be three days of glorious reunion. I'll see guys I lived with on Penthouse, Wengatz, several of my groomsmen, underclassmen I still love and keep in contact with, plus almost all of the other 2004 music majors will be back. We're having a party all to ourselves, which will most certainly be one of the highlights. When you have basically every class together for four years, tours around the world, countless concerts, lessons, rehearsals, sleepovers in the music building, you get to be pretty close.

Taylor U., here we come baby!

Addictions

If you read my last post, you realize I'm in a class called Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counseling. Of my six classes, I think it's my favourite, possibly tied with Marriage and Family Therapy. (Interesting enough, they're both taught by the same professor...) It's a really interesting class and the material just seems so relevant, so applicable, so necessary. I'm only about halfway through the semester and have two years to go, but I've begun to toss around the idea of what it might look like to work in the alcohol and substance abuse counseling field.

For class, I just finished reading a book titled "Addiction and Grace" by Gerald May, M.D. This book, along with the lectures and other texts, have really gotten me thinking about addictions. It's so easy for me to see an addition as something "they" have, something that's far away, something that is easy for me to stereotype into people who live in the inner city, on the street, or in jail. It is so easy to be terribly wrong, to keep it all at a safe distance, and while that may be comfortable for a while, I think it's a fraud.

May agrees. One of the presuppositions of his book is that "all of us suffer from addiction...We are all addicts in every sense of the word" (4). This may seem dramatic at first, or possibly flippant, but as I read and thought and processed, I realized that I think he's completely right. I began to think about my own addictions.

But of course, talking about addictions is only half of the title, the other is about grace. I love what May writes: "Grace is the most powerful force in the universe [I suppose I would say love is the most powerful, but grace flows out of love...]. It can transcend repression, addiction, and every other internal or external power that seeks to oppress the freedom of the human heart. Grace is where our hope lies" (4-5).

I say all this because the subject of addictions has bee on my mind, and not just because it's a class I'm in. A very good friend of mine is currently dealing with a powerful addiction, not in his life, but in the life of his father. I talked to him on my way home tonight, and after I hung out, I began to cry, hating the situation, hating the power of addiciton, hating the addictions in my own life, hating Satan, hating that a family was suffering, and not for the first time.

I want to believe that grace is where our hope lies, that God is bigger than the situation, bigger than my addictions, bigger than my hate. But tonight, my heart is also grieved. I long for truth. I long for freedom. I long for Christ to return.

Going to AA

Tomorrow night I am going to my first AA meeting. Alcoholics Anonymous. I am tremedously excited. You see, I'm going as part of the requirements for my Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counseling class. In that same class, we are also doing some group projects, and my group is focusing not only on why AA is successful (if indeed you believe it is, which I do), but more fascinating to me, what the Church can learn from AA. I spent a few hours today in the library reading about AA. Facts, stats, testimonials, how it all works. And I really think it's one of the more beautiful things I've encountered in quite a while. Really, there is much I can learn from AA, much the Church can learn from AA, much I think everyone could learn from AA. I plan to write on all of this at a later date, but as for now, I'm getting ready for my first meeting. Not exactly sure what to expect. I have visions of "Fight Club" where we're all in some dark basement and then some man just starts hugging me desperately, weeping uncontrolably. Somehow, I don't think that will happen, but I want to be prepared. (Loralee, remember when we would play "Fight Club" until the broozes on your arm got me in trouble....?)

Tonight was Monday so we had SonLife, which is the youth group at the church Joy and I attend. Honestly, I love love love high schoolers. I love talking with them, listening, hearing their thoughts. I love getting to see what it is like to follow Christ while in high school and getting challenged and encouraged by those really stepping up in a good way. I love being in a small group with a half dozen guys, thinking about the Bible and God and Christ and Love and all sorts of things. Plus, I really love the ice cream every week that has become a quick tradition. My absolute favourite still reigns supreme: Breyers Peach.

Long Live Julie!

Happy October to you all! It is pretty common knowledge that Julie Andrews and "The Sound of Music" have had quite an influence on my life, especially during my younger years. Well, today, the first of October, is her birhday, and this year she turns 70 years old. So I thought it would be appropriate to have a little party in celebration. Well, since I don't actually have any friends in the area and since any friends that I did have probably wouldn't come to a Julie Andrews birthday party, the party tonight is going to consist of Joy and me watching "The Sound of Music," maybe "Mary Poppins" too while we address 300 wedding invitations. Hopefully watching the movie will bring some entertainment to a certainly rather tedious task.

I hope that wherever you are, you too are celebrating. The hills are alive!!!