TB and Me

It's been a while since I've been here. School started last week and it quickly jumped into full force. Six classes, working part-time at the agency, and I was also scheduled to start my practicum last week. You may notice I said "scheduled." That's right...I haven't actually started yet. You see, before I could begin, I had to have a TB test. Well, I got the little shot on my arm, and then I got a little red bump and rash. They said it was negative but that I should have another one a week later. I had the test on Friday and went back on Monday to have it read. Just a red bump this time. And yep...it was positive. It was confirmed that Stephen had tuberculosis.

Now, it's actually not nearly as scary as you might think. There is a different between latent TB and the TB disease, and thankfully, I have the former and not the latter. If I had actual TB disease, I'd be sick and coughing up blood and such, and none of that is happening. According to a variety of sources, lots and lots of people have the TB virus, but it just stays there quietly, one day planning an attack. Well, not this time, because I'm on the attack now.

I found out on Monday that I had the virus. Joy and I found a TB clinic nearby where I could get the next step done: a chest x-ray. I went on Tuesday for the x-ray, and the nurse even had me take off my shirt. I guess I thought if an x-ray could go through bones and body, why not a shirt, but nonetheless, I found myself standing there sans shirt. Actually, I do have a theory that you don't actually have to take off your shirt for the x-ray but the nurse just said that to me because she wanted to see my chest, but that theory is still up for debate. Joy thinks I'm a fool.

The next step is for me to go next Thursday to talk with the doctor and go over my x-ray. If all goes as they say it should, the x-ray will confirm that I have the infection and not the disease. I'll then start taking medication, which I'll have to take for nine months to a year. Crazy.

Several people have asked similar questions, so I'll cover those now:

1. Does Joy or anyone else who's been around you need tested? No. As long as it's just the infection, there is no need to be tested since you can only get the infection from someone who has the disease.
2. Where did you get TB? I have no idea. Nepal? TB is only transmitted through the air, so at some point I must have been around someone for a decent amount of time who had the disease. You'd think I would know if anyone around me had TB or was coughing blood, but apparently not. I figured a few of you would try to say that I got it from eating those strangers' dessert in Seattle, but that's just not possible, so don't even try it.
3. Are you scared? Not really. At this point, I just keep laughing. It seems so weird and surreal and like it's from the 17th century. And really, there is very good medication and as far as we know at this point, I'll be just fine.

There are benefits to finding out you have TB. First of all, I am not allowed to start my practicum until I am on medication. Sure, I was supposed to start two weeks ago and now won't start for two more weeks, but hey, at least it gives me more time during my week. The best benefit is that Joy is taking very good care of me. I lay on the couch, start to moan and cough and ask her to make me some tea, massage my back, do my homework. Okay, the truth is that it never works, but we still laugh and then she gets back to wondering what life was like before TB. It'll never be the same again.

Star Struck

Last Saturday I went with my dear friend Loralee to Ravinia, the outdoor venue for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Now, this was not just an average symphony concert, because Renee Fleming was there to sing with the orchestra. To most people, the mention of Renee Fleming in concert probably doesn't do too much because there's a good chance they just don't know who she is. But for classical singers, Renee Fleming is pretty much the top. Ms. Fleming is arguably the world's greatest soprano and most famous opera singer. Needless to say, Loralee and I were thrilled with jubilation as we sat in our seats, and left at intermission with joy and glee. The glee had only begun, however, because at intermission they announced that Ms. Fleming had agreed to do a CD signing following the concert. Loralee and I knew there was really no other choice: we had to meet Renee.

Neither of us had any of her CD's with us, so we went to the Borders tent and each got a CD. We then realized that neither of us had a camera either. I know...a disaster! I had thought about bringing my camera, but Joy and I are facing camera troubles these days and neither of our cameras are working. Loralee just plain forgot, so I'll give her the blame for this one. I then ran over to the gift shop to buy a disposable camera, and of course they only sell cameras with no flash. Why on earth an outdoor music festival that has concerts that go well into the evening wouldn't sell cameras with a flash is beyond me, but they don't. I now pass the blame on to the Ravinia gift shop. Regardless, I bought this cheap-yet-expensive disposable camera, hoping for the best. Indeed, the best was yet to come.

The second half of the program was amazing. There is something found in music that hits a place where words just don't go, and I love that. Renee nailed some big arias, milking them for all they were worth. After the last piece, I lept to my feet with the rest of the audience, and we cheered and cheered. We then sat through FOUR (yes, four) encore pieces, which I actually think were the highlight of the concert for me. After the third encore, a lot of the crowd began to leave, so you better believe Loralee and I made ourselves up to some pretty good seats. In short, it was a glorious evening.

After talking to some other friends who were at the concert, Loralee and I went to the line for the signing, which at this point was quite long. We waited for half an hour before Renee even came out and then waited another hour before it was our turn. I distinctly remember asking Loralee if she was nervous, and she said she was; after all, Renee Fleming is her hero. I said I wasn't nervous and even reminded Loralee that just because Renee was a famous opera singer, she was still just another human. Yeah, I should have kept that in mind later. As we approached and saw our turn getting closer, we debated on if I should even as for a picture. No one else was doing it, and security people kept telling the line to make it quick, to not talk, to just move along.

All of a sudden, before I even had time to realize it was happening, I found that Loralee and I were standing in front of the soprano. Here is what our conversation looked like:

LORALEE: Hello.
RENEE (looking up and seeing Loralee): Wow, you look like Annette Bening.
Stephen is thinking, "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness."
LORALEE: Well thank you.
RENEE: Has anyone ever told you that before?
Stephen is thinking, "Think of something to say, think of something to say, think of something to say."
LORALEE: No, but people have actually told me that I looked like you.
RENEE: Oh really? That's means I look like Annette Bening!
Stephen is thinking, "Say something you fool, you fool, you fool."
LORALEE: We are both music students and we really loved your concert.
RENEE: Thank you.
Stephen is thinking, "Why is this happening? I am a distaster! You fool, say something!"
STEPHEN (finally!): I don't suppose there's any way we could get a picture is there?
RENEE: Of course, just arrange it so I don't have to stop signing.
LORALEE (we're getting pretty excited at this point): Oh, we are efficient!!!
STEPHEN: Efficiency is what we do! Stephen then immediately thinks, "What on earth was that? Could you even say anything more stupid than that?! Efficiency is what we do?!?! You gotta be kidding me!"
I then turned to have the security guard take the picture, and without saying a word, he shook his head no. He wasn't helping our efficiency I had so stupidly proclaimed. So I handed the lady behind us the camera and as we ran around the table something possibly worse came out of my mouth:
STEPHEN: When our friends find out about this, they're gonna kill us!
Of course I didn't say they might be jealous or not be able to believe it. Nope, they're gonna KILL US. Why oh why oh why?!

We then smiled for the camera, and we all know that with a disosable camera with no flash, there's probably not even a picture there. Loralee and I thanked Renee and then ran off, laughing uncontrollably. I couldn't believe the way I had acted. I mean, I've even met Ryan Seacrest before and acted fine then! I honestly could not get words to come out of my mouth, and then when they did, let's be honest, they left much to be desired. I was in fact 100 percent star struck, and I think I still am a little bit. It was so worth it and who knows, maybe I'll even survive. That is as long as I can hide long enough from my friends who are apparently after me.

The Kite Runner

I haven't been here for a few weeks, so I thought I should stop by. I haven't been here no so much because I don't have any thoughts, but because I seem to have too many thoughts and don't really know what to say or where to start. If I could pinpoint my thinking over the last few weeks, I guess it would come down to words like injustice, grief, sadness. I've been newly reminded (and overwhelmed) by the grief that others are forced to bear, the aching sadnesses from events that just don't make sense, the injustices that just shouldn't happen. My heart is continually being broken, and sometimes I'm not so sure that I always like that. I get to feeling overwhelmed and can only pray for mercy and redemption, for grace and love, for justice and peace. And each one of those beautiful things can be found and are happening, but sometimes it's just easier to see the dirt and the horrific and the hell instead.

I recently finished what quickly became a favourite book of mine: The Kite Runner. It is a novel about friendship and betrayal as well as war and, ultimately, forgiveness, redemption, and again, friendship. I'm not going to get too much into the book here, but let's just say I strongly recommend it. It might be the best book I've read in a long time.

It seems there is pain all around. And that overwhelms me. But it seems as I grow, I am not only more aware of pain, but I am also more attuned to beauty. I find it around me in strikingly simple situations, in moments of passing, in a glimpse or a moment that seems to stand still long enough for me to notice. That's really important to me: I want to notice. I want to notice the pain, but also notice the good and the beauty, because there is hope and I trust He who is in control. And while it is important to notice, I find that it can't stop there. I want to then live a life that is not only aware, but is also seeking to promote hope and beauty and grace in my life and in the relationships around me. I want to change my way of being and then change my way of doing. I want to continually grow in learning what it means to continually be aware of God's presence.