My Dog

I’m in love. With my dog. I can’t help it; it just is. My dog has so many problems, and Joy and I may not even be able to keep him because he’s so troubled, but I just love him. I love him so much that, recently, I’ve begun to sleep on the floor next to the bed just so I can lay next to him as he sleeps. Of course, my wife doesn’t appreciate this, but I do always invite her to come to the floor with us. Can I help it if she always declines? Of course, the funny thing is that I usually am on the floor for all of twenty seconds before the dog gets up and goes to rest somewhere else, leaving me alone wondering why on earth I’m laying on the floor. Joy laughs as I come crawling back into bed, and I thank her for her generosity in taking me back.

But like I said, my dog has problems. I guess you never know quite what you’re getting when you get a dog from a shelter. For the first month, we thought we’d found the Perfect Pup. It was pure bliss, just like the beginning of any love relationship. Then the real colors begin to show, all sorts of ugly shades of gray and black and vomit-is-covering-the-floors cream. You wonder where the vomit comes from? Oh yes, that comes from the day the dog found a 20-pound bag of rice and helped himself to copious amounts before his stomach distended and he began to throw up (and have diarrhea for extra fun) all over our apartment. This was the night before Joy’s first day of teaching this year. It was 1 a.m., and Joy was trying to sleep on the couch, drinking Sprite because her stomach was so upset (it was pretty gross) while I walked the dog until about 3 in the morning and then slept next to the kitchen to make sure the dog didn’t leave the linoleum for the carpet in case another incident were to ensue.

There are other problems. The dog managed to pull a Houdini and break out of his metal crate, somehow destroying a hinge in the escape. He’s a powerful dog and it must have been something out of Shawshank Redemption, but instead of redemption, the dog found a box of chocolates. Joy freaked; I tried to make the dog throw up. And yet the biggest problem is this: our dog tries to bite people. It’s true. I feel bad even typing it—what kind of parent am I to have a biting dog? But it’s true, and I can’t deny it or a friend or unsuspecting stranger may lose a finger or two. We really think the dog simply wants to protect Joy and me and doesn’t know what to do when others are around except keep them away. It’s something we’re desperately working on, and we wonder how long before we simply stop trying. Can’t he be one of those dogs that other people ignore and simply chews on his bone in the corner?

You may be thinking that I should just take him to the shelter and be done with it all. But as I told you earlier, I’m in love with this dog. Just the other day I told Joy that I didn’t think we should have kids because I doubted it possible I could ever love a child as much as I love my Colby. A little sick, yes. A little true, unfortunately. How can I return a dog whose problem is that he loves too much? We’re not quite sure what we’re going to do, but we’re giving it a few months. We want to fight for this dog, because I think in the end he’s worth fighting for. Now all we need is for him to stop thinking that Joy and me are worth fighting for and we’ll be all set. Until then, feel free to stop on by, but you may want to consider ignoring the dog. Or wear gloves. Yes, it’s true that this dog has my heart, but I figure it’s better he have my heart than your hand.