Dreams of Justice

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." (Isaiah 1:17)

This is what is on my mind today, but let's back up a little bit first...

I have two favourite chapel speakers that I remember from my time at Taylor University. The first is Ravi Zacharias. Anyone who knows me knows I thoroughly enjoy this man, as everyone should. To start off with, he has a kick-butt accent. He spoke at TU during my freshman year, during a time that I was really wrestling with questions about God, my faith, and how perhaps I saw a lot of Christians as stupid and naive. Well, Brother Ravi changed that. A well-known apologist, Zacharias struck me as not only an obviously intelligent man, but also a man who still found Christ compelling. On top of that, he was able to articulate his faith in a compelling and understandable way while also looking at the religions around us. Ravi always makes me think and be thankful that I know Christ. But today my purpose isn't to write about Ravi...

The other chapel speaker I remember was Gary Haugen, who I believe spoke during my sophomore year. (Really, for my haphazard attendance during those first two years, I got in some great speakers. Hmm...it makes me wonder if I missed anything good. Possible, but I doubt it...) For those of you who don't know, Gary is the founder of IJM, the International Justice Mission. Passionate about what he sees as God's calling in his (and really, all Christ-followers') lives, Haugen fights for those who can't necessarily fight for themselves. IJM fights for justice in many areas around the world, from getting stolen land back from widows in Africa, fighting illegal slavery and imprisionments, to rescuing girls out of sex trafficing and forced prostition all around the world, especially in Asia.

I remember leaving the chapel that Gary spoke at thinking, "Wow, I want to be a part of that. I want that to be a passion of mine. I don't want to sit by while others suffer, are tortured, lose all sense of dignity." Today, I still feel that way, probably more than I did four years ago. I say all this today because today at Trinity, Larry Martin, VP of Education and Dean of the IJM Institute, spoke on campus. Since I was first introduced to the International Justice Mission, one of dreams has been to work for them. I have many dreams, but that one is consistently at the top of my list. And I really would love to work for them, and who knows, maybe some day I will. But even if I don't, I know that I want to be more passionate, more aware, more involved with bringing justice to those who are powerless. And while I think IJM is doing a fantastic job, they are simply one organization, and I don't believe love and justice is regulated to simpkly one organization. I think of Shanta and the work she is doing in Nepal and India as only one example.

So this afternoon I am pondering over these things, wondering how I can do better, be more disciplined in prayer, be more informed, more active. I'm wondering how God might use my MA degree in Counseling Psychology if I continue on track and end up getting that degree in three years. I wonder what I can do during those three years. I wonder if I'm even in the right program even though I really love it on many levels and see its importance and relevance. I wonder about law school, about social work, about learning languages, about getting personally involved. I wonder about brining God glory, about my motives, about what it means to truly allow myself to be a tool that God may choose to work in and through. If you have any thoughts, let me know.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." (Proverbs 31:8,9)

Homecoming!

Tonight Joy and I are driving to Taylor. I've been gone two years now, and I'm pumped to go back. Sure, it will be different, there will be a new sea of faces and none of them will know who I am or even care, but that's ok. Because I love my alma mater. Taylor University, in the middle of nowhere Indiana, is where I fell in love with Joy, fell in love with relationships, and fell in love with God. So yeah, it has played a pretty big role in my life. This weekend is going to be three days of glorious reunion. I'll see guys I lived with on Penthouse, Wengatz, several of my groomsmen, underclassmen I still love and keep in contact with, plus almost all of the other 2004 music majors will be back. We're having a party all to ourselves, which will most certainly be one of the highlights. When you have basically every class together for four years, tours around the world, countless concerts, lessons, rehearsals, sleepovers in the music building, you get to be pretty close.

Taylor U., here we come baby!

Addictions

If you read my last post, you realize I'm in a class called Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counseling. Of my six classes, I think it's my favourite, possibly tied with Marriage and Family Therapy. (Interesting enough, they're both taught by the same professor...) It's a really interesting class and the material just seems so relevant, so applicable, so necessary. I'm only about halfway through the semester and have two years to go, but I've begun to toss around the idea of what it might look like to work in the alcohol and substance abuse counseling field.

For class, I just finished reading a book titled "Addiction and Grace" by Gerald May, M.D. This book, along with the lectures and other texts, have really gotten me thinking about addictions. It's so easy for me to see an addition as something "they" have, something that's far away, something that is easy for me to stereotype into people who live in the inner city, on the street, or in jail. It is so easy to be terribly wrong, to keep it all at a safe distance, and while that may be comfortable for a while, I think it's a fraud.

May agrees. One of the presuppositions of his book is that "all of us suffer from addiction...We are all addicts in every sense of the word" (4). This may seem dramatic at first, or possibly flippant, but as I read and thought and processed, I realized that I think he's completely right. I began to think about my own addictions.

But of course, talking about addictions is only half of the title, the other is about grace. I love what May writes: "Grace is the most powerful force in the universe [I suppose I would say love is the most powerful, but grace flows out of love...]. It can transcend repression, addiction, and every other internal or external power that seeks to oppress the freedom of the human heart. Grace is where our hope lies" (4-5).

I say all this because the subject of addictions has bee on my mind, and not just because it's a class I'm in. A very good friend of mine is currently dealing with a powerful addiction, not in his life, but in the life of his father. I talked to him on my way home tonight, and after I hung out, I began to cry, hating the situation, hating the power of addiciton, hating the addictions in my own life, hating Satan, hating that a family was suffering, and not for the first time.

I want to believe that grace is where our hope lies, that God is bigger than the situation, bigger than my addictions, bigger than my hate. But tonight, my heart is also grieved. I long for truth. I long for freedom. I long for Christ to return.

Going to AA

Tomorrow night I am going to my first AA meeting. Alcoholics Anonymous. I am tremedously excited. You see, I'm going as part of the requirements for my Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counseling class. In that same class, we are also doing some group projects, and my group is focusing not only on why AA is successful (if indeed you believe it is, which I do), but more fascinating to me, what the Church can learn from AA. I spent a few hours today in the library reading about AA. Facts, stats, testimonials, how it all works. And I really think it's one of the more beautiful things I've encountered in quite a while. Really, there is much I can learn from AA, much the Church can learn from AA, much I think everyone could learn from AA. I plan to write on all of this at a later date, but as for now, I'm getting ready for my first meeting. Not exactly sure what to expect. I have visions of "Fight Club" where we're all in some dark basement and then some man just starts hugging me desperately, weeping uncontrolably. Somehow, I don't think that will happen, but I want to be prepared. (Loralee, remember when we would play "Fight Club" until the broozes on your arm got me in trouble....?)

Tonight was Monday so we had SonLife, which is the youth group at the church Joy and I attend. Honestly, I love love love high schoolers. I love talking with them, listening, hearing their thoughts. I love getting to see what it is like to follow Christ while in high school and getting challenged and encouraged by those really stepping up in a good way. I love being in a small group with a half dozen guys, thinking about the Bible and God and Christ and Love and all sorts of things. Plus, I really love the ice cream every week that has become a quick tradition. My absolute favourite still reigns supreme: Breyers Peach.

Long Live Julie!

Happy October to you all! It is pretty common knowledge that Julie Andrews and "The Sound of Music" have had quite an influence on my life, especially during my younger years. Well, today, the first of October, is her birhday, and this year she turns 70 years old. So I thought it would be appropriate to have a little party in celebration. Well, since I don't actually have any friends in the area and since any friends that I did have probably wouldn't come to a Julie Andrews birthday party, the party tonight is going to consist of Joy and me watching "The Sound of Music," maybe "Mary Poppins" too while we address 300 wedding invitations. Hopefully watching the movie will bring some entertainment to a certainly rather tedious task.

I hope that wherever you are, you too are celebrating. The hills are alive!!!

Too Long

I have so many questions. No real answers. This happens to me all the time. More and more it seems. Part of me likes it, but the rest of me realizes that it drives me crazy.

I realize that it has been too long since I've had a close friend talk with me late into the night. I don't mean by e-mail or phone or any of that. I mean actual human flesh and bones. I am not even too particular as to who this friend should be. As long as we can be honest about our questions about faith and life and Christ and love together I'm fine. I don't even necessarily want to find "answers"...I just want to think through out loud some thoughts with another person.

If you want to be that person, let me know. I'll meet you halfway.

Love Without Return

I had one of those eye-openeing experiences today in church, and it actually had nothing to do with the message. You see, there was some tension between my fiancee, Joy, and me. Not really a fight or even a disagreement, just some tension. What really happened was that something was said that I took pretty personally. In essence, I was quite hurt. But rather than be hurt, which is quite a vulnerable and intimate feeling, I turned that into a type of anger, which is much safer, less personal, and so much easier. I think we (myself included) do this a lot and this was one of those instances.

But between the youth service and the main service today in church, I was thinking about how I hated the tension and obviously needed to talk with Joy about what was going on and all. You see, in my hurt turning into anger, I was being pretty rude towards her, short and curt and unloving. And as I thought about what I would say to her, I wanted to apologize for my actions, but also convey what was going on in my anger. Not really to dismiss or excuse it, but to bring to light that someone I loved deeply had really hurt me. And then I realized that part of what was going on was that it was hard for me to love someone when I felt no love from that person in return.

It hit me instantly. That's what God does every single moment. He loves me every single moment and His love does not depend on Him feeling my love in return. That's a pretty awesome thing. Actually, it's a really awesome thing, and that was a great moment for me this morning. It was also great to dialogue about all this with Joy after church. I do want to love well. I want to love unconditionally, and I'm so far from that, especially, it seems, with those who are closest to me. I want to love without having to have love in return.