Generosity

I really want to be more generous. I kinda hope I always want to be more generous, even while I continue to grow in my generosity.

For these six months while living in Chicago before getting married, I'm living with a pretty amazing family. You see, I have my own room in the basement and they don't let me pay rent. I've tried and been turned down on a few occasions. They always invite me to join them for dinner, tell me what's in the fridge, and are hosts to friends coming in and out on weekends.

There are four kids in the family I live with, two of whom are adopted. At the end of the summer, I wanted to give them a little something. So I wrote a little card and wrote a little check. Nothing much, just a little thank you. Then I went to work. When I came home from work, I found a card on my bed:

"Stephen, we can only say how much you being here this summer has blessed our family. Like the girls said, 'I wish he could stay forever!' You always have a place here. And like I told you when you came--you owe us nothing. We can only pray that someone will be generous with one of our kids someday...Thanks for blessing us by living here."

I was blown away. What amazing love and giving. This summer I've been working my way through Brian McLaren's "A New Kind of Christian." In the last chapter I read, he was talking about generosity. He believes that "if the new kind of Christian we [have] been dreaming about wasn't radically generous, it [is] a waste of time...If we can't discipline ourselves to learn the joys of generous living, I think we're an embarrassment to the gostpel" (112). I find myself completely agreeing. I guess I see generosity as an outflow from selfishness, and outflow from love, and we all have heard that they will know we are Christians by our love.

The Wightmans have shown me some pretty amazing love this summer, some pretty amazing generosity. I want that to be a quality I cultivate in my life.

The End of Summer

It seems Summer 2005 has come to an end. In a lot of ways, it's been fun. Lots of good weddings, seeing friends, moving to Chicago and being close to Joy...all good things. There was a Cubs game, Taste of Chicago, meeting Ryan Seacrest, playing tennis, visiting Oregon (and Rainier National Park!), hanging out in Minneapolis, Michigan, and Nebraska for some weddings, "March of the Penguins, going to Ravinia, having Taylor from Boston and Taylor from Oregon both visit, going to the beach, and all sorts of wedding planning. And let's not forget the DJ at the Blomgrens' wedding. Yeah, it's been a good summer.

I also realized this summer how nice it is to have a job you really actually enjoy. I used to have that at the OG in Ohio and I am not too crazy about either of the jobs I had this summer and continue to have. I usually like Starbucks but wish it paid more. As for the restaurant, well, let's just say I'm tolerating it.

Joy started teaching today. Her very first classroom full of fourth graders. I'll be honest...I'm pretty proud of her. Following Becker family tradition, I made her a big breakfast this morning and saw her off to school. I have no doubt she's going to be an amazing teacher and that she'll love her job.

As for me, I start classes tomorrow. Today I went to Trinity and paid my bill for the semester. Then I came home and saved over $100 on books by buying them online, but still spent about $325. Depressing.

To celebrate the end of our summer, Joy and I took off after church on Sunday and spent the day together at a beach north of Chicago. We loved it and wondered why we didn't find ourselves there more often this summer. I guess that's just what happens. It's weird to think that next summer I'll be married. Youth is quickly fading away and I'm not sure what I think about that.

At least next summer I can sing the Grease medly (with the Blomgrens' wedding DJ of course) and say "Summer Lovin,' Had Me a Blast..." and still be within the realm of Christian purity. Perhaps I am okay with this whole "youth fading away" business. Either way, here it comes.

Welcome students and teachers. The school year is upon us.

Birthdays

While I was napping this afternoon, my sister left a message and said, "Oh, and I'm sure you remembered, but today is Chris' 30th birthday." Chris is my brother, and no, of course I didn't remember. Because really, I'm normally very bad with birthdays. I usually don't even remember and when I do, a simple "Happy Birthday" or a little card seems sufficient. Unless it's your brother and he's turning 30.

Immediately I called my sister and her husband, Tim, and left a message on their machine: "Help! Can I go in on a gift with you? I can't believe it's Chris' birthday," etc., etc.

Then I called my mother. I told her of the dilemna and then she said, "Did you remember that Chris and Tim have the same birthday?" I couldn't believe it. I had just left a message on Tim's answering machine about Chris' birthday, so it's now obviously clear that I also forgot about his. Jen, Chris' wife's, is on Monday, so so far I'm not behind on that one. Thank goodness.

Now I have to figure out what I'm doing for Chris' birthday. As for the in-laws, a call just must be enough. I called Joy at work at Pottery Barn and told her to buy them something. I think in marriage when we divvy up jobs, I'll pay the bills and she'll be in charge of all anniversaries and birthdays because I can never get it right.

In Nepal they don't celebrate birthdays. You mention birthdays to them and they really don't know what you're talking about. Amazing. I knew I loved that country.

Withdrawn

Maybe I'm slightly depressed. Maybe I'm lonely. Maybe I'm just tired and grumpy and need a good week's sleep. I dunno. I just never feel like my "normal" self anymore, which means that my current "normal self" is a slightly depressed/lonely/tired person. I'm withdrawn from the world, from relationships, from God. I miss spending time with my Creator, something I used to love to do.

It may sound weird to say and a little too "Christianese," but I actually do miss Jesus. It seems that whereas before I got to know Him, I didn't notice as much what I was missing, but now that I actually have this relationship, I notice when the relationship is distant and missing and stale.

My New Friend, Ryan...

I really had a wonderful weekend that I thought I'd share a little about. My dear friend Taylor Horner was in town from Boston (via North Carolina for the summer) and we spent a few glorious days together. It was good to have an old friend around, especially one that I rarely see anymore and also at a time when I'm realizing more and more what it's like to live in an area with really no friends to speak of. It's not exciting.

Anyway, the highlight that I wanted to share about happened on Saturday afternoon. I finished working at Starbucks and we jumped on the train for downtown Chi-town. It was a normal Saturday for everyone else on that train, but for us, something special and extraordinary was about to happen. You see, doing a promotional at the clothing department at Marshall Field's was....Ryan Seacrest. Believe it, AI fans, there he was, in the flesh. You see, he has this new clothing line out...the R Line...and was debuting it downtown. I remembered seeing it in a catalog a few weeks ago and Taylor was the perfect person for this kind of activity. (Loralee, our fellow AI judge, we thought of you as well and wished you could have been there...)

We found ourselves surrounded by mostly 13-year-old girls, gawking and squealing and all that jazz. There was a rather long line to stand in if you wanted to meet Ryan, so Taylor and I decided to come up with another plan. There was also a very short line (basically nonexistent) that you could go in if you bought any clothes from the R Line. Now, the clothes aren't that good, are pretty expensive ($300 sweaters?!), and since most of the people were 13, no one was buying anything.

Taylor and I are geniuses.

We bought a t-shirt (for the record, it was black and long-sleeved and said "I am not a rock star") for $38 and then happily got in the short line. We chatted with Ryan for several minutues, talking about AI, what his plans were that night (he said he had to get back to L.A. for the Teen Choice Awards), and about Taylor auditioning in Boston. He really was extremely kind and didn't rush us at all as he signed several different things. (And yes, it's true that he's quite short and he kinda has a funny looking jaw/lip...we think he might have had some surgery that just didn't quite work out).

We told them we didn't want out shirt signed. Why? Here is where genius ensued. As soon as we finished with Ryan, we walked upstairs to the men's clothing section and promptly returned our new t-shirt. We cut hours standing in line. Soon we'll get our pictures back and I'll have new proof of my new-found friendship.

It was a day to remember. People at Starbucks and Regina's either think it's fantastic, or more likely, rather bizarre, especially since I was there with another 23-year-old guy. I think they're just jealous.

Becker, out.

Accepting Grace

Today is one of those days I want to accept grace. Actually, I really desire to accept grace every day, and I hope that continues, but today's one of those days I really really desire to accept grace. The thing is that I don't always accept it. It's always there, but sometimes my pride or guilt or self-pity keep me from accepting it. I don't understand why I sometimes don't want freedom from sin or guilt or whatever...maybe it all comes back to self-pity and all of that. Anyway, tonight is one of those nights I am choosing to accept grace. I want it in abundance.

Victor's Fire

It was one of those really hot days here in Chicago yesterday. Usually my car is parked in a parking garage and really doesn't travel too far, but when it's hot, my car does struggle some. For that matter, when it's really cold, my car struggles too. It's really perfect in the spring and fall.

Anyway, Joy and I were out and about yesterday running all sorts of errands. We stopped towards the end of our journeys to get some gas. Well, when I turned the car on, I noticed the oil warning light blinking. I opened the hood, noticed the oil cap was rather hot, and checked the oil. I figured I might as well put a little more in. Well, I didn't focus on the task at hand and I spilled some oil over the side of the oil container.

Instantly, the oil caught on fire. I called out to Joy, "Get out of the car...it's on fire."

Needless to say, panic ensued. The flame started to go down while Joy and I wondered what on earth we were actually supposed to do. Call 9-1-1? Water? We just watched it go, fearing it would blow at any moment. Eventually, I just started blowing. Yes, blowing. And the wonderful thing is that the fire went out.

It was a rough day for Victor, but today he seemed to be back to his normal faithful self, with the normal squeeks and grunts. I was never so afraid to get in a car and turn the key. Thankfully, I've lived to tell this true tale.

Like Mother Like Son

A few nights ago I was able to talk with Regina's son, Franco, who just turned 13. Franco is interested in music and theatre, so it really was a good little chat. Later, when I asked him if he wanted to pursue a career in theatre, he said, "Yeah, but only if I make a lot of money." I had flashbacks to my conversation with his mother and realized he was the exact same.

I remember my days in theatre back in high school and all. I loved community theatre. I would do it again in an instant. There are great sacrifices of time and energy, but such rewards as well! Rehearsals every night till about midnight, scrounging around for props or costume pieces, never enough time to do any homework....ah yes, I loved the theatre! Of course, we all did this and no one was paid, not the leads, not the chorus members, maybe not even the director. We did it because we enjoyed the art of acting, because we believed truth could be beautifully (and tragically) portrayed on stage.

I mentioned to Franco that it really wasn't all about money, and he kinda laughed. "No, really it is. I can't live without having a lot of money." The boy is 13 years old. "If I don't make it big, it's not worth it."

Franco calls himself an actor. He's not an actor by any real definition. Franco desires fame and fortune, he doesn't care about art and theatre and truth and beauty and all that true actors believe in. I was saddened.

I guess it just runs in the family.

Ravinia Scandal

Last night the Blomgrens and future Beckers went to Ravinia. I'll just give my favourite highlight. For those of you who don't know, Ravinia is an outdoor music festival and the summer home of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. People bring food and beverages, play cards, sit in the grass and listen to some pretty fantastic music.

Well, we had quite the night planned. We had a little outdoor table (thanks, Mr. and Mrs. B!), candles, centerpieces, cards, wine, snacks, food, blankets, chairs. We were set. Truly, the envy of all Ravinianites.

So we're happily grilling on our little grill, hotdogs and hamburgers and chicken filets. All is going well for about twenty minutes. Then a man with a walkie talkie approaches us and kindly informs us that apparently grills aren't allowed in the park. Here we are, for maybe half an hour, with people all around, and we've practically got a little farm on our grill with smoke billowing in all directions, and now we're getting told we have to immediately take the grill out of the park.

Apparently, we don't hurry fast enough, and he continues: "You see that building over my right shoulder? They're watching you from there with binoculars."

It doesn't get any better.